then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
