Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
