This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
