It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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