When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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