My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
