she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
