Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
