I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
