wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
