Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
