someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
...so i touched it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
