Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
