I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
