I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
