she peed on how many people?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Im part way to drunk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
