He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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