im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize