Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
