We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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