I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
