I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize