My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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