If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
