The maid of honor just puked.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm always down for nudity.
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