remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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