mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
