then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
