His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
