awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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