Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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