and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
