....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
