i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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