First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
