You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize