it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
