he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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