I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
