Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
