I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
