The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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