we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
