I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize