The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
