Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
