Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
