O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
