I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
