after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
