Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
