There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
