not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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