first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
