It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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