I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
