They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
