If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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