it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she smelled like a LAN party
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
