Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
