Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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