that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
