Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
