I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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