I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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