"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
