There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Randomize
