I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
