phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
