If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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