I love black thongs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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