dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
