Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
