Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
