TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
