he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
