is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
