So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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