the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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