OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
