Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
