2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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