he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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