Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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