I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
