I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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