he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize