Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
