My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
