Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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