well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
