If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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