i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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