shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
