yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
