I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I want her autograph on my taint
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
