paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize