At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
